Nothing Special

Hello all!
This part of the Whateverlution...is all about me. Call it an ongoing ever changing 'about the author' Dane Cook once said...A suicide note written by someone who is not suicidal is called an autobiography.

So what gives me the ability to speak out about the world? Why should anyone listen when I tell them about fitness, gaming, intellectual pursuits, the sociological ramifications of current world politics, and gummy worms?

Well that's something you're going to have to learn as you go. However if you want credentials, allow me to fill in a bit of my resume.

At 34 I have collected paychecks from over 30 different employers. I have built million dollar homes, I have driven a front end loader through mountains of trash, I've been to basic training and enjoyed some peace time national guard time, I've worked for restaurants, retail chains, and convenient stores and been a substitute teacher. However I have also spent over five years as a guard at a county jail AND 30 days as an inmate at a different county jail. (For CIVIL CONTEMPT-I couldn't afford to pay ALIMONY, and was subsequently put in jail, which caused me to lose my job with the Sheriff's Department)

My education involves an Associates degree, and 90 credits towards a BS in Mental Health and Human services, as well as a healthy interest in reference literature. School and I have never gotten along, I find it too rigid and constraining, I can learn more on my own.

The only things I know for sure...I've been pretty good at just about every job I've ever had. The closest to a job I actually liked was as a guard. I'm a people watcher and psychological dynamics fascinate me, plus I'm an adrenaline junkie and at the time thrived amidst the crazy fights, hangings, cut-ups etc etc. That being said I now have to pursue a different career, and this blog circle is part of it. It's a social and personal experiment. I know that everywhere I've gone, people tend to remember me. However despite being a quick learner, and intelligent and well-spoken, something seems to be holding me back. So I am now hoping to work from that into something here, maybe a job, maybe a career, maybe pocket money, time will tell.

Friday, June 22, 2012

harsh light


So a father and son came into the lumber store where I work today.  They were getting stuff to fix the roof.  Some tar to re-adhere the shingles when they slide and nail new ones in to replace the ones that blew away.
Then the dad asked about a rain diverter for the chimney…seems his home inspector recommended a rain diverter to keep water from flowing down the steep roof and causing the chimney to leak.  “This is a bad idea.” I think.  That’s not how you repair a chimney leak, you re-lead that shit the right way and flash under the shingles.  The dad had a ROPE to go up and have a look-see at the chimney…It wasn’t until just now that some things occurred to me…
First this whole roof fixing thing has bad idea written all over it…
But who am I to judge, this guy owns his home and is going to try and fix it…more fucking power to him.  Even better he’s bringing his son along so later the kid can tell great stories about the retarded shit his dad did.
That led me to a troubling truth. 
Apparently I cannot have that existence.  I tried.  I got tremendously close…I owned a home, had the family, had the son to show shit to.
Then I decided I needed a different plan, why?  How the fuck should I know, it seemed like a good idea at the time, still does somehow…even after all this, if I had it to do again I would…why the fuck is that?
Anyway that fucking pipe dream is no longer on the table for me.  It isn’t an option that I have a reasonable expectation as believable for me.  Yet this is the image I’ve had beaten into my head since child hood as what I’m supposed to want, and on some level I see it and smile…
Then the façade crumbles, and I’m left here in the fucking dark, budgeting a handful of dollars each week into bills, and gas to get to work, then food, and if there’s anything left you work on the list of items you need or will need soon, working from the cheapest up, and hope you leave yourself enough to get more food or gas if you run out of either before the next pay day.
I can’t have that.
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