Nothing Special

Hello all!
This part of the Whateverlution...is all about me. Call it an ongoing ever changing 'about the author' Dane Cook once said...A suicide note written by someone who is not suicidal is called an autobiography.

So what gives me the ability to speak out about the world? Why should anyone listen when I tell them about fitness, gaming, intellectual pursuits, the sociological ramifications of current world politics, and gummy worms?

Well that's something you're going to have to learn as you go. However if you want credentials, allow me to fill in a bit of my resume.

At 34 I have collected paychecks from over 30 different employers. I have built million dollar homes, I have driven a front end loader through mountains of trash, I've been to basic training and enjoyed some peace time national guard time, I've worked for restaurants, retail chains, and convenient stores and been a substitute teacher. However I have also spent over five years as a guard at a county jail AND 30 days as an inmate at a different county jail. (For CIVIL CONTEMPT-I couldn't afford to pay ALIMONY, and was subsequently put in jail, which caused me to lose my job with the Sheriff's Department)

My education involves an Associates degree, and 90 credits towards a BS in Mental Health and Human services, as well as a healthy interest in reference literature. School and I have never gotten along, I find it too rigid and constraining, I can learn more on my own.

The only things I know for sure...I've been pretty good at just about every job I've ever had. The closest to a job I actually liked was as a guard. I'm a people watcher and psychological dynamics fascinate me, plus I'm an adrenaline junkie and at the time thrived amidst the crazy fights, hangings, cut-ups etc etc. That being said I now have to pursue a different career, and this blog circle is part of it. It's a social and personal experiment. I know that everywhere I've gone, people tend to remember me. However despite being a quick learner, and intelligent and well-spoken, something seems to be holding me back. So I am now hoping to work from that into something here, maybe a job, maybe a career, maybe pocket money, time will tell.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The fear is real


I don’t know if anyone is following this.  It’s funny.  In 3 days I will be completely alone.  It’s true I have a hazy plan, and am working to stay afloat.  However there are so many precarious variables.  I am so scared.  I don’t want to die.  I know that sounds crazy, but if this doesn’t come together, if I can’t pay the rent…I cannot, will not be homeless…So what then…sleep in my car, with no license, shower at the Y, eat fast food take-out…How long can that last?  Can I adequately save up for a small apartment?  How long?  Bi weekly paychecks…assuming I can keep the job, or maybe jobs.  If I pick up this second job will I have enough to make it?  Not for a few weeks, that I won’t have…
I am scared to death my room mate won’t come through with the money.  Then I won’t have the rent…then what.  I don’t have a back up plan, one check won’t touch the rent.  3 days.  I won’t live homeless.  I don’t know what I’ll do.  I really don’t know.  It has to work…I close my eyes.  3 days, possibly a second job tomorrow…still not enough money, still not enough time…everything in 3 days, still not lined up…
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