Nothing Special

Hello all!
This part of the Whateverlution...is all about me. Call it an ongoing ever changing 'about the author' Dane Cook once said...A suicide note written by someone who is not suicidal is called an autobiography.

So what gives me the ability to speak out about the world? Why should anyone listen when I tell them about fitness, gaming, intellectual pursuits, the sociological ramifications of current world politics, and gummy worms?

Well that's something you're going to have to learn as you go. However if you want credentials, allow me to fill in a bit of my resume.

At 34 I have collected paychecks from over 30 different employers. I have built million dollar homes, I have driven a front end loader through mountains of trash, I've been to basic training and enjoyed some peace time national guard time, I've worked for restaurants, retail chains, and convenient stores and been a substitute teacher. However I have also spent over five years as a guard at a county jail AND 30 days as an inmate at a different county jail. (For CIVIL CONTEMPT-I couldn't afford to pay ALIMONY, and was subsequently put in jail, which caused me to lose my job with the Sheriff's Department)

My education involves an Associates degree, and 90 credits towards a BS in Mental Health and Human services, as well as a healthy interest in reference literature. School and I have never gotten along, I find it too rigid and constraining, I can learn more on my own.

The only things I know for sure...I've been pretty good at just about every job I've ever had. The closest to a job I actually liked was as a guard. I'm a people watcher and psychological dynamics fascinate me, plus I'm an adrenaline junkie and at the time thrived amidst the crazy fights, hangings, cut-ups etc etc. That being said I now have to pursue a different career, and this blog circle is part of it. It's a social and personal experiment. I know that everywhere I've gone, people tend to remember me. However despite being a quick learner, and intelligent and well-spoken, something seems to be holding me back. So I am now hoping to work from that into something here, maybe a job, maybe a career, maybe pocket money, time will tell.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

April 18th, 2013 raw no edit

Solace



Ease into it, it’s good.  Somewhere between the jovial and the speculative we are drawn back to where we are right now.
Alight in prescience these things you speak of are not important in the now.  They are the only all too real, all very much alive, that then becomes the past.
It is a thousand shards of memory.
They shift from one set to another as I cycle through the moods.  There are a lot of smiles.
It is perfectly understandable that it be so.  This is a moment of peace.
The biggest shadow seems to matter the least.
I want to be remembered as someone who was alright.
I want people to remember me warmly and fondly.
I remember reading the obituary of someone who died young.  It spoke of finding peace.
I don’t want to be remembered as I hope he is finally free from pain, or finally at rest, I want people to say, “Holy Shit! Do you remember the time he…”
I am the eternal advocate.
There are so many angles for why.
I believe I am becoming the person that they say things like “I hope he found peace.” about.
I don’t believe I’m there yet, but I am facing serious doubts at my ability to stop it.
So while I can see both the future and the past in varying degrees of accuracy, It is looking like there are a lot more bad memories coming and much fewer good ones.
Whatever we do in this life ceases from it when we are gone.  Only our memories remain and the presence of our personalities is what dictates how long people talk about us.  If I can’t make the memories I want to leave behind?
There are a lot of smiles…
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